The Birdy. Just like EDITO SEMI ETI ED HUH!! The Rotary Club of Swindon Phoenix. weekly ullei. Ne t eeks host is. Preside t. Nigel Causto.

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1 The Rotary Club of Swindon Phoenix Distri t E gla d weekly ullei The Birdy Preside t Ni ole Pri e Issue u er Volu e u er Nu er of this otar Year e ludi g spe ial issues P eside t Ele t Nigel Causto Ne t eeks host is P.P. A dre Whii g S i do Phoe i otar Clu Ho oured e ipie t; / Pride of S i do Tea A ard EDITO SEMI ETI ED HUH!! I ediate Past P eside t Geof Beale I a k! Just like o k Clu T easu e PP Da id Coe By to all members of Swindon Phoenix Rotary Club, and some members of Foothill Highlands Rotary Club USA, Tappahannock Rotary Club USA, also Rotary Club Members in Australia, Indore and Bhopal India and special supporters elsewhere Editor; P P Peter Golds orth. P.H.F. Sapphi e Su Editor; PP Paul S oop Parfre PHF Se eta ; P.P. Joh Fisher Su Editor ; PP Peter Gru p Ne so PHF Su editor ; t Chris Super S ri e Si s

2 otar Year - d April e e er I Ba k!!! Fro the Editor I ould like to ofe g ateful tha ks to ou deput Edito s fo keepi g the Bi d l i g to ou si e Ma h a d although I sill ha e de- a ds o i e ith the house sale/ o e/a hite ts/soli ito s a d soo uilde s et, et, a d ot fo gei g keepi g Pegg ode atel happ! I hope to pull eight as Edito agai ut I thi k the o s ha e e tai l p o ed e a ha e a o e sha i g elaio ship ith o pili g the Bird i futu e. Golds! Meei g st Ma Host A e Pileggi Ou eei g o the / / as a pa t e s e e i g a d as ate ded people i ludi g Ho Me ers, Margaret Parso s a d daughter Ze a - Ala Flet her a d ife Shirle ith his guide dog Nut eg. Also our part ers as ell as Preside t Ni ole s daughter, Jessi a. To ight also sa that i du io of Pradeep Bhard aj to ou lu The e e i g sta ted ith a el o e f o P eside t Ni ole a d host fo the e e i g A e Pileggi said g a e. The food as a i te esi g ufet o i aio of salads a d old eat follo ed hi ke, ish o pasta a d i ed egeta les. At Pradeep Bhard aj s i du io suppo ted his p opose Peter Golds orth, host A e ead oth O je t of ota & the a test. P eside t Ni ole the la iied the a io s a d o du t e ui ed a e e of ota. P adeep a d his ife Neetu e e es o ted a ou d e e o e Golds & a l el o ed all p ese t i di iduall ith a el o i g ha dshake. P adeep tha ked us fo allo i g hi the ho ou of e e ship a d said ho u h he e jo ed his i e ith e e s e e tl o the a ge a d

3 the Jaipu Li Fu d aise E e t held at the te ple. Guide dog Pupp i t ai i g Cilla, ith her alker a hel also joi ed us, a hel ga e us a update o Cilla s p og ess so fa. Cilla is the th guide dog that Phoe i ota lu has p o- ided & she is % golde et ie e % La ado, a d at o ths old, Cilla likes to use the t ai a d us, t a poli i g, a d diggi g holes i the ga de ut she dislikes the ai. Cilla also lo es shoppi g a d ei g ith people o i o ds. Cilla ill e i pupp t ai i g fo o ths ith a hel & if she su essfull o pletes this pa t of he t ai i g, she ill the spe d up to o ths i a pla e e t fo o e t ai i g. The Fi al toast. A g eat e e i g X A e Pileggi Ala Flet her also ga e us details of the t ai i g p o edu e it is i te si e a d detailed. All he assess e ts ust e passed fo t ai i g to o i ue. Just like a guide dog ith ha ess o, if a t ai ee dog has its ja ket o it is a tuall o ki g. The e a e a out, o ki g dogs u - e tl i the UK. Ala also said that a ig tha k ou is due to Joh a d Di Fisher fo sta i g the hole thi g of, ha i g et a d hated to Ala a d Shi le at a fu e al. Ala tha ked us fo the dogs e ha e suppo ted. The i st o e ei g Sta le ho is athe spe ial i as u h as he suppo ts a pe so ho is oth li d a d deaf. or as ou o l dog ot to pass his assess- e ts. Guide dog i trai i g Cilla ith pupp alker a hel a d Preside t Ni ole. Cilla has ee a ed S i do Phoe i otar i e or of our late la e ted frie d Cilla Slipper. This is our Clu s th Guide Dog Othe ite s; Mike Slipper stood & tha ked the lu fo a i g this pupp i e o of his late ife Cilla. PE Nigel d e Lu k Lu, the i e s e e Fra es George, Ni ole Pri e a d Ja Kil. Paul Parfre d e ou ate io to the sta da d of d ess ode u e tl displa ed so e e - e s, a d u h to PJ s ife Je s pleasu e p ese ted PJ ith a o pli e ta sha i g kit to use. Guest a d p ospe i e e e Ste e Bir h has etu ed f o his holida i G ee e ith he al 'tea' a d li uo fo ou ha it a el!!! Here Cilla a d Nut eg e jo the fello ship of a S i do Phoe i otar eei g More pi tures of the e e i g o erleaf

4 The Four-Way Test Of the thi gs e thi k, sa o do; Is it the T UE? Is it FAI to all o er ed? Will it uild GOODWILL a d BETTE F IENDSHIPS? Will it e BENEFICIAL to all o er ed? Photos Su Editor, Super S ri e Chris Si s Tha k ou Chris

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6 It is STILL ot too late fo ou to get ou o ta ts to e te a oat tea o ha e a lakeside stall, e ause this ea, p o a l due to the tu oil of ele io s the e is a e tai a ou t of apath i this ou t that e as ota ia s should ise a o e!.. So go o, gee up ou o ta ts o e agai! PLEASE! e e er it is our Clu s ai fu draisi g e e t a d the respo si ilit of all of us all to support to our ut ost a ilit!

7 Gru p s Bits! Fo so e easo the soo to e i porta t Nigel Causto has asked e to o ga ise so e e e ts fo his ea. He e is so ethi g I a t to sha e ith ou. ou Phoe i Logo is also used a A e i- a la e fo e e t A ade.. You a ell ask ho I k o a out this, ell a Bilo i poli e a sa ou logo f o ou K o Your Blood Pressure da o Fa e ook a d had to let e k o a d t ul hat a oi ide e this is, his a e To ait of it!...golds orth.. eah eall! Needless to sa this Bird is i gi g its a to Bilo i for To. So e of ou a like to k o that so e Briish Poli e adets are tra eli g to this A ade fro Le isha, Lo do i a e ha ge progra e.. The adets ha e a just gi i g page for fu draisi g for this. Septe er. The S i do & C i klade ail a. No the ha e e e ts o that o th. O the i st eeke d d & d the e a kids go fo a uid. Not ig kids! The follo i g eeke d th & th the e is a Wa i e eeke d, pe haps o e suita le fo those o the. These a e fo the e e s to hose. O to er. A i ooki g, I ha e se u ed so e i kets fo WIPE S TIMES at Salis ur Pla house. p. Thu sda th O to e. Good seats, o all. ut to Phoe i ia s.. I ha e seats sold alread ; Ne so, Golds orth, Si s, Pri e & Causto No e er, The Popp Ball, No e e th. A ust, see Ni ole P i e, i kets selli g fast. Glasto ur Car i al Saturda th No e e Coa h lea es id ate oo.. pe seat. Distri t Co fere e Bour e outh, rd to th Mar h, e k o so e good a o odaio, a eeke d a a ith a dife e e, i ota usi ess ith pleasu e & so e f esh ai. Gru p Tours

8 E ail i fro Chris Firth otar i S i do at the Me i Gate Ypres Just a ui k ote to sa that e e s of S i do ota ill e la i g a eath at the Me i Gate o Wed esda Ma at p Eu opea i e o ehalf of all lu s i the S i do a ea. We a e t s, Fi th, Bla ke stei, Vi - e t, He h & B ai plus Li da Fi th & Ca oli e He ha. E ail fro P.P. Pal Parfre PHF I ha e updated the Clu We site a d added all the Host Nights f o Jul to De e e. Could ou please he k the date of ou host ight a d the o e a k to e ith a o e ts. htp://. ota - i i.o g/ lu s/ ho epage.php?clu ID= Tha ks Paul Could ou epo t this to ou lu as a a k of espe t please. E ail fro t Ste e Weisi ger O Wed esda th Ju e I a host that e e i g. I ha e the p i ilege of ha i g the Ne Ma or of S i do, Mauree Pe ate di g ho is i gi g a speake f o o e of he hose ha iies. The ha it o e ed is The Jessie Ma T ust. Please a as a people as possi le t to ate d as it is a e i te esi g a d o th hile ha it. ega ds Ste e As I had a it of spa e, I de ided to pop i - otaria Pradeep e jo i g his i e as Ad- iral of the Barge ith S i do Phoe i o the Ke et & A o Ca al take i his for er life, efore he as a otaria I apologise fo the ualit of pi tu es ut if ou a t to see the lea e, just he k last eeks Bargy Paul

9 Jokes ABOUT THE WRITER: The Author is a Prizewinning humour columnist for a daily paper... on the Birdy s wing Colonoscopy Journal: I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a colour diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Sydney. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR ARSE!' I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now, suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of Australia's enemies. I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken soup, which is basically water, only with less flavour. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-litre plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a litre is about 2 1/2 pints). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon. The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humour, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground. MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, shitting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another litre of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet. After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep shitting. I was thinking, 'What if I shit on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough. At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the hell the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked. Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.. At first I was pissed off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too hammered to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but

10 to burn your house. When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anaesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anaesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate. 'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me... 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like. 4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?' 5. 'You know, in Glasgow, we're now legally married.' 6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?' 7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...' 8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!' 9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!' 10. 'Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.' 11. 'You used to be an executive at Lehman s Bank, didn't you?' And the best one of all: 12. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?' Tha ks Lillia i Oz for this edi al story I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colours. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.. On the subject of Colonoscopies... Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies: 1. Take it easy Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before. 2. 'Find Lord Lucan yet?' 3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

11 FO YOU DIA Y FO YOU DIA Y th to th Ma as the eek e ere earl at Sea! A ast there e Hearties A ual Ba ge Week Ta ki g to the ater agai o th Ju e All A oa d fo o e fu at ou Biggest e e t of the Yea Our A ual Drago Boat E e t 5th July Ha do er of Preside as ell as the Jaipur Li o ies Other ite s are i the pla i g & ill e added as & he.. this list is ot e hausti e! The O je t of otar is to e ou age a d foste the ideal of se i e as a asis of o th e te p ise a d, i pa i ula, to e ou age a d foste : The de elop e t of a uai ta e as a oppo tu it fo se i e; High ethi al sta da ds i usi ess a d p ofessio s, the e og iio of the o thi ess of all useful o upaio s, a d the dig if i g of ea h ota ia s o upaio as a oppo tu it to se e so iet ; The appli aio of the ideal of se i e i ea h ota ia s pe so al, usi ess, a d o u it life; The ad a e e t of i te aio al u de sta di g, good ill, a d pea e th ough a o ld fello ship of usi ess a d p ofessio al pe so s u ited i the ideal of se i e. It is ot usual to read the u ers aloud whe re ii g the o je t Find more information on Swindon Phoenix Rotary on your pc; Just control + click on these hyper links below swindonphoenixrotary.org.uk Previous bulletins Our Santa Run Dragon Boat Event thephoenixbulletin.weebly.com swindonsanta.org.uk Ffind us on Facebook On twitter That s all Folks!- but remember, we are a Rotary Club of the 21st Century S i do Phoe i otar Clu Pride of S i do A ardee /