T H I S / 1 5 Y E A R

Transcription

1 specimen page

2 T H I S / 1 5 Y E A R N E X T / 1 6 Y E A R Published by Dodo Pad Ltd. PO Box 33, St. Agnes Cornwall TR5 0WU Compilation & Original Illustration by Naomi McBride 2014 Illustrations Dodo Pad Ltd 2014 B M Peak 1995, 2014 Rose Verney 1965, 2014 Acad-Pad Desk Diary ISBN / AcadPAX loose-leaf Diary - ISBN All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in any retrieval system, without prior permission of the publisher. Reprographics by Peta Bull Design. Imprinted in China using paper sourced from sustainable forests.

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4 HOW TO GET THE BEST FROM YOUR DODO ACAD-PAD DOODLING Special facilities have been provided in the design of the ACAD-PAD for this essential activity. The Dodo ACAD-PAD encourages you to doodle creatively and thereby preserve the covers of nearby library books, café tables, train/bus head-rests, college walls etc. Those at a loss for inspiration will find suggestive hints to quicken their imagination on every diary page. A blank, or nearly blank, space is also provided for this purpose on facing pages. FURTHER USES FOR THE ACAD-PAD Finished sheets can be torn out and are especially suitable for making paper boats, darts, book-markers or tapers for lighting a barbecue. If folded into eight, an ACAD-PAD page comes in handy for fixing up a rickety table or stuffing into a shaky sash-window. The most attractively doodled pages make ideal wallpaper for the barer halls of residence, double up as wrapping paper for any occasion and can also be put to good use as a more personal type of Christmas card. In the event of losing one s keys it is inadvisable to use one s ACAD-PAD to wedge open the front door, as this may leave both diary and household exposed to the possibility of theft. The Dodo team of social researchers calculates that for over-active and underinspired students alike, armed with the Dodo ACAD-PAD they are: 96% more likely to remember which subject they are reading, 67% more successful at remembering the times and days of their lectures (regardless of attendance) and at least 5% better at remembering that the rubbish day has changed and that goldfish have never liked vodka. INSTANT INVISIBLITY The ACAD-PAD can be held up to head height and is made to measure (one size fits all) for immediate concealment of the holder at any given moment, particularly useful in cafés, library, and/or middle of the street for the avoidance of any number of tricky situations. It is a perfect hand held disguise for those unwanted/ unexpected encounters.

5 The Dodo technique for self-concealment is much quicker than growing a beard - I should know, I ve tried both (Hairy Harry Bath University) ACADEMIC ATHLETICS The Dodo ACAD-PAD is equally capable of being employed for more athletic purposes. Sportsmen and women whose urge is to bat, swing or throw anything they touch can be reassured of the Dodo s flexibility in any number of these gaming roles. Particularly popular among more reckless students is the on-campus competitive Dodo skimming activity, which is more often, simply referred to as frisbee for fools. INSECTICIDE The ACAD-PAD also makes an ideal weapon for swatting flies. Held flat on the palm of the hand, it can be used as a missile against wasps and mosquitoes on the ceiling. What every lazy and disorganised student needs to do-do well at college. The Dodo ACAD-PAD is like a loyal companion. If I take it to the pub I can rely on it to help me find my way home again. (It also makes a perfectly good beer mat.) One student famously pointed out that I would be up a certain well-known creek without my Dodo ACAD-PAD to use as a paddle! HOW TO CHAIN YOUR DODO ACAD-PAD TO YOUR BICYCLE OR BAG Any reputable ironmonger will supply you with a length of thin chain. A DODO-PADLOCK can be obtained from us. Price $329.99, including postage. ACAD-PADLERS ARE ADVISED TO ORDER THEIR NEXT YEAR S ACAD-PAD WELL IN ADVANCE TO BE SURE OF SAFE DELIVERY Rose Verney 1965, 2014 Dodo Pad Ltd 2014 With very special thanks to Tamsin Barnett without whom this Acad-Pad would not have been plausible.

6 FORWARDPLANNERFORWARDPLANNERFORWARDPLANNERFORWARDPLANNERFORWARDPLANNERF SEP TEMBER M LABOR DAY (US & CAN) 17 W 2 T 18 Th 3 W 19 F 4 Th 20 s 5 F 21 Su 6 s 22M 7 Su FATHER S DAY (AUS) 23 T 8 M 24 W 9 T 25 Th ROSH HASHANAH 10W 26 F 11 Th 27 s 28 Su 12F 13 s 29 M 14 Su 30 T 15M 16T NOVEMBER s 17 M 2Su 18 T 3 M 19 W 4 T 20 Th 5 W GUY FAWKES NIGHT 21 F 6 Th 22 s 7 F 23 Su 8 s 24 M 9 Su REMEMBRANCE SUNDAY (UK) 25 T 10M 26 W 11 VETERANS DAY (US) T REMEMBRANCE DAY (CAN) 27 Th THANKSGIVING (US) 12W 28 F 13 Th 29 s 14F 30Su 15s 16Su JANUARY Th NEW YEAR S DAY 17 s 2 F BANK HOLIDAY (SCOT) 18 Su 3 s 19M 4 Su 20 T 5 M 21 W 6 T 22 Th 7 W 23 F 8 Th 24 S 9 F 25 Su BURNS NIGHT MARTIN LUTHER KING DAY (US) 10s 26 M AUSTRALIA DAY 11 Su 27 T 12M 28 W 13T 29 Th 14W 30 F 15Th 31 S 16F 2014/1 5 OCTOBER W 17 F 2 Th 18 s 3 F 19 Su 4 YOM KIPPUR s EID AL-ADHA 20 M 5 Su 21 T 6 M 22 W 7 T 23 Th DIWALI 8 W 24 F 9 Th 25 s ISLAMIC NEW YEAR 10F 26 Su BST ENDS 11 s 27 M HOLIDAY (EIRE) 12Su 28 T COLUMBUS DAY (US) 13M THANKSGIVING (CANADA) 29 W 14T 30 Th 15W 31 F HALLOWE EN 16Th DECEMBER M 17 W HANUKKAH 2 T 18 Th 3 W 19 F 4 Th 20 s 5 F 21 Su 6 s 22 M 7 Su 23 T 8 M 24 W 9 T 25 Th CHRISTMAS DAY 10W 26 F 11 Th 27 s 12F 28 Su 13 s 29 M 14 Su 30 T 15M 31 W 16T FEBRUARY Su 17 T SHROVE TUESDAY 2 M 18 W 3 T 19 Th CHINESE NEW YEAR. 4 W 20 F 5 Th 21 S 6 F WAITANGI DAY (NZ) 22 Su 7 s 23 M 8 Su 24 T 9 M 25 W 10T 26 Th 11 W 27 F 12Th 28 S 13F 14s 15Su 16M PRESIDENTS DAY (US) BOXING DAY (UK, AUS, NZ) ST STEPHEN S DAY (EIRE)

7 RFORWARDPLANNERFORWARDPLANNERFORWARDPLANNERFORWARDPLANNERFORWARDPLANNER MARCH Su 17 T 2 M 18 W 3 T 19Th 4 W 20 F 5 Th 21 s 6 F 22 Su 7 s 23 M 8 Su 24 T 9 CANBERRA DAY (AUS) M COMMONWEALTH DAY 25 W 10T 26 Th 11 W 27 F 12Th 28 s 13 F 29 Su BST BEGINS 14s 30 M 15Su MOTHER S DAY (UK & EIRE) 31 T 16M MAY F 17 Su 2 s 18 M VICTORIA DAY (CANADA) 3 Su 19 T 4 MAY BANK HOLIDAY M (UK & EIRE) 20 W 5 T 21 Th 6 W 22 F 7 Th 23 s 8 F 24 Su 9 s 25 M 10Su MOTHER S DAY (US & AUS) 26 T 11 M 27 W 12T 28 Th 13 W 29 F 14Th 30 s 15F 31 Su 16s JULY W CANADA DAY 17 F 2 Th 18 s 3 F 19 Su 4 s INDEPENDENCE DAY (US) 20 M 5 Su 21 T 6 M 22 W 7 T 23 Th 8 W 24 F 9 Th 25 s 26 Su 10F 11 s 27 M 12Su 28 T 13 M PUBLIC HOLIDAY (N. IRELAND) 29 W 14 T BASTILLE DAY 30 Th 15W 31 F 16Th SPRING BANK HOLIDAY (UK) MEMORIAL DAY (US) 2014/1 5 APRIL W 17 F 2 Th 18 s 3 F GOOD FRIDAY 19 Su 4 s PASSOVER 20 M 5 Su EASTER DAY 21 T 6 M EASTER MONDAY 22 W 7 T 23 Th 8 W 24 F 9 Th 25 s ANZAC DAY (AUS & NZ) 10F 26 Su 11 s 27 M 12Su 28 T 13M 29 W 14T 15W 16Th 30 Th JUNE M BANK HOLIDAY (EIRE) 17 W 2 T 18 Th RAMADAN BEGINS 3 W 19 F 4 Th 20 s 5 F 21 Su FATHER S DAY (UK,US & CAN) 6 s 22 M 7 Su 23 T 8 M 24 W 9 T 25 Th 10W 26 F 11 Th 27 s 12F 28 Su 13 s 29 M 14 Su 30 T 15M 16T AUGUST s 17 M 2Su 18 T 3 M SUMMER BANK HOLIDAY (SCOTLAND & EIRE) 19 W 4 T 20 Th 5 W 21 F 6 Th 22 s 7 F 23 Su 8 s 24 M 9 Su 25 T 10M 26 W 11 T 27 Th 12W 28 F 13 Th 29 s 14F 30Su 15s 31 M SUMMER BANK HOLIDAY (UK) 16Su

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10 NEVER trust an atom...they make up EVERYTHING

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14 IT S SNOT UNUSUAL... Once again, Lord Dodo has succumbed to the season s sneezes and sniffles, but this year, help is to hand! Dodopadler Cath Duhig, reading of His Lordship s affliction, rushed to his bedside with some suitable cultural diversions. Since then, His Lordship has only lifted his head from the pages of Great Expectorations and Captain Corelli s Benylin to watch some appropriate DVDs, including One Flu Over the Cuckoo s Nest, Sniffler s List, The Taking of Phlegm 123, The Sound of Mucus and Rheum with a View.

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16 Around the time of the birth of Christ, there was a serious camel shortage. Unscrupulous dealers imported all manner of creatures as beasts of burden, regardless of their suitability for such unforgiving terrain.

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18 And God also created Brigitte Bardodot

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20 I SHOT THE SERIF

21 february ABCDE monday 17 tuesday FGH I J 18KLMNO wednesday 19 thursday 20 friday 21 saturday 22 sunday PQRST UV W X YZ A CA DPAD!

22 N ew additions to Lord Dodo's Lexicon for the 21st Century continue to pour in, delaying the publication date yet again. Here are some recent inclusions:- Plonker - even cheaper wine Cubic - a biro with which you can play snooker Menstrual - a medieval minstrel who only plays once a month Pistachio - facial hair grown while drunk Befuddle - a tight group of cattle Dispersal - to be rude about washing powder

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24 I ve just been on holiday on the Norfolk B-roads by mistake. Peter Kay