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Toad-ly Eerie-sistible No bones about it. Puns are fun! Take bland, everyday words or phrases, intentionally twist them around into ridiculously warped new meanings or sounds, and you have created a pun. Some of them are just riddled with humor. Like these, for instance: Q:What kind of monster is safe to put in the washing machine? Q: What kind of shoes do baby ghosts wear A: a wash and wear wolf A: booties Want to check out the condition of your punnybone? Fa-boo-lous! Read each spirited riddle below, and then see if you can spot the perfect pun in the collection of possible answers. Some you can nail down right off the bat. Others will be more difficult to sink your teeth into. Write the letter of your spook-tacular correct answer in the blank before each item. 1. What would Casper be if he wrote a story? (A) the invisible man, (B) a ghost writer, (C) the silent type, (D) fictitious 2. Why is a ghoul such a messy eater? Because he (A) never wipes his face, (B) misses the point, (C) is always a goblin, (D) chews with his mouth open. 3. What do you call a teenage ghost wearing a really ragged sheet? (A) a holey terror, (B) a fashion phantom, (C) a lost soul, (D) an undercover agent 4. Why did the vampire s lunch give him heartburn? (A) He flew off too soon afterwards, (B) He had low-blood sugar, (C) He had a steak sandwich, (D) He ate every drop. 5. Who did Frankenstein take to the dance? (A) his blood brother, (B) his best bat, (C) Nobody, (D) his ghoul friend 6. What is a mummy s favorite type of music? (A) rock n roll, (B) classical, (C) wrap, (D) jazz 1
Howl-o-ween Puns Continued 7. Why don t witches ride their brooms when they are angry? (A) They lose all sense of direction, (B) They don t want to use their last straw, (C) They are of afraid of flying off the handle, (D) They would rather sit and stew. 8. Why did Count Dracula go to the doctor? (A) His blood was low, (B) He was coffin a lot, (C) He wanted to see the new-fangled waiting room, (D) He wanted to hear the tooth. 9. What instrument did the skeleton play in his high school band? (A) a trombone, (B) drum sticks, (C) a clarinet, (D) a trumpet 10. What does a ghost like on the top of its ice cream sundae? (A) sprinkled boos, (B) evaporated milk, (C) whipped scream, (D) invisible sweetener 11. Why do witches think they are funny? (A) Every time they look into a mirror, it cracks up, (B) They make people scream, (C) They laugh a lot, (D) They don t really dress like that. 12. Where do baby ghosts go while their parents are at work? (A) to a swimming ghoul, where they learn to float, (B) to boo school, (C) to an ice scream parlor, (D) to a dayscare center 13. Why did the monster eat a light bulb? (A) He was tired of being in the dark, (B) He couldn t find a candle, (C) He wanted a light snack, (D) He iked crunchy snacks. 14. Why didn t the skeleton cross the road? (A) He couldn t get a green light, (B) He had no reason to go, (C) He didn t have the guts to do it, (D) He didn t stand a ghost of a chance. 15. What is a witch s favorite subject? (A) reading, (B) writing, (C) calculating, (D) spelling 2
Howl-o-ween Puns Continued 16. Why do ghosts like to ride elevators? (A) It lifts their spirits, (B) It takes them to new heights, (C) It beats floating, (D) It takes their breath away. 17. What happened when two vampires met and immediately fell in love? (A) a lot of coffin, (B) ringing bells, (C) weird looks, (D) love at first bite 18. Why didn t the skeleton dance at the party? (A) He turned a deaf ear, (B) He couldn t stand the music, (C) He had no body to dance with, (D) He arrived late. 19. Why don t mummies take vacations? (A) They are afraid they will relax and unwind, (B) They don t like to travel, (C) They would rather stay home and look after the children, (D) They don t work in the first place. 20. What do you call two spiders who just got married? (A) leggies, (B) newlywebs, (C) black widows, (D) spinners 21. What do witches use to control their hair? (A) scare spray, (B) spider nets, (C) big hats, (D) honey combs 22. Where do ghosts like to ride on a train? (A) in the baggage car, (B) in the caboose, (C) floating in the isle, (D) in the back seat 23. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? (A) pie, (B) spilled beans, (C) squash, (D) another pumpkin 24. What do birds give out on Halloween night? (A) rotten eggs, (B) tweets, (C) nothing. They are asleep. (D) peeps. 25. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? (A) sunburned, (B) Windy, (C) a sandwitch, (D) Miss Placed 3
More in Really Ghoul Riddles Q: What is a ghoul s favorite food? A: ghoul-osh Q: What do ghouls like to drink? A: Ghoul-aid Ready for another round of Howl-o-ween Puns? Then ask your punnybone to join you and get started. The riddle collection below is more difficult that the previous set. Think carefully before you write the letter of your chosen answer in the blank to the left. Your reputation is at stake! 1. What happens when a ghost gets lost in a fog and is never seen again? (A) He is knighted, (B) He gets fuzzy, (C) He is mist, (D) He wanders around in a fog. 2. How do mummies disguise themselves? (A) They unwind, (B) They paint their walls white, (C) They wear masking tape, (D) They imitate statues. 3. What is a monster s favorite makeup? (A) mas-scare-a, (B) blush, (C) lipstick, (D) wrinkle scream 4. Who was the most famous male witch detective of all time? (A) Sherlock Bones, (B) Fangs McSee, (C) Warlock Holmes, (D) Eye C. You 5. Which building does Dracula always visit when he goes to New York City? (A) the Waldorf-Hysteria Hotel, (B) Madison Scare Garden, (C) Thump World Tower, (D) the Vampire State Building 6. Where would all werewolves just love to live? (A) Batton Rouge, (B) Howlywood, (C) Mew York, (D) Pennsylveinia 4
More Howl-o-ween Puns Continued 7. Where does Casper refuel his Mercedes? (A) at a ghost stop, (B) at a bed and breakfast, (C) at a bootique, (D) at a ghastly station 8. What kind of students do monster teachers have in their classes? (A) boils and ghouls, (B) twicks and tweets, (C) spooktacular, D) boos and thrills 9. Why do women monsters go on diets? (A) They like to stay in shape, (B) It makes them laugh their heads off, (C) to keep their ghoulish figures, (D) So they can make commercials for Skinny Craig. 10. What s it like to be kissed by a vampire? (A) It s a lip-biter, (B) It s a pain in the neck. (C) It s spook-tacular, (D) It s a head-turner. 11. How do you mend a broken jack-o-lantern? (A) with a pumpkin patch, (B) with sun scream, (C) with a pumpkin ghoul-kit, (D) with stupor glue 12. Why did the monster math teacher go for counseling? (A) She kept crossing her pupils, (B) She couldn t put two and two together, (C) She had lots of problems, (D) She didn t see eye to eye with the ghoul board. 13. What is one thing that you can t give to the headless horseman? (A) the slip, (B) a toll bridge, (C) directions, (D) a headache 14. How did the skeleton explain his love for riding Harleys? (A) I m a hog, (B) I m a wild child, (C) I m bone to be wild, (D) I m built for speed 15. What do you get when you divide the diameter of a jack-o-lantern by its circumference? (A) pumpkin pi, (B) half a grin, (C) another pumpkin, (D) take out 5
More Howl-o-ween Puns Continued 16. Who set up a facebook page devoted exclusively to Dracula? (A) his ghost partner, (B) his fang club, (C) his ghoul-gle doc, (D) his Aunt Dot Com 17. Why did the mummy sit around in a daze mumbling, I never seen no more scarier ghost that that one? (A) He was scared half to death (B He couldn t make sense of the boo-boo he had made, (C) He was suffering from post-grammatic stress disorder, (D) He was trying to find his inner spook. 18. Why did the skeleton throw away his broken pencil? (A) He was drawing too much attention. (B) Writing with it was pointless. (C) It was a ghost of its former self. (D) He was at a loss for words. 19. Which microorganism loves Halloween? (A) a virus, (B) slime, (C) an amoeboo, (D) a glow worm 20. Why didn t the young ghost tell his mother he had eaten glue? (A) His lips were sealed. (B) He was stuck on a lie. (C) He couldn t get the words to flow. (D) He made a boo boo. 21. Do zombies eat friend chicken with their fingers? (A) No. They eat with their lips, (B) No. Sometimes they eat with their friends, (C) No. They like their chicken with gravy, (D) No. They eat their fingers separately. 22. Why do ghouls and demons hang out together? (A) They live in the same neighborhood. (B) Demons are a ghoul s best friend. (C) Ghouls like spirited friends. (D) Nobody is perfect. 23. What happened when four zombies strolled along the beach? (A) There was four shadowing, (B) It was science fiction, (C) The formed a full moon, (D) They turned into sand goons 24. Why did the Jack-o-lantern get upset 25. What do you do with a green when someone carved 10210 on backside? monster? (A) He was from Hollywood. (A) Turn off the grow light, (B) It was too intense. (B) Plant it (C) It covered his eyes. (C) Go with it, (D) People mistook him for a clock. (D) Wait until it ripens. 6
Answer Keys Howl-o-Ween Puns Howl-o-ween Puns Toad-ly Eerie-sistible In Really Ghoul Riddles 1. B 1. C 2. C 2. C 3. A 3. A 4. C 4. C 5. D 5. D 6. C 6. B 7. C 7. D 8. B 8. A 9. A 9. C 10. C 10. B 11. A 11. A 12. D 12. C 13. C 13. D 14. C 14. C 15. D 15. A 16. A 16. B 17. D 17. C 18. C 18. B 19. A 19. C 20. B 20. A 21. A 21. D 22. B 22. B 23. C 23. A 24. B 24. B 25. C 25. D 7
Teacher s Bonus Halloween Riddle-Puns Why did the mummy want to be a teacher? He wanted to mold young minds. Why did the ghost leave geometry class? Because he was tired of going in circles. Why did the vampire teacher stop asking questions? It got his students all up in arms. What is the perfect name for a very old lady zombie? Anne Teak. Why was the vampire yelling to his neighbor across the street? He was making a long distance call. What do sea monsters like for lunch? fish and ships What kind of ghost haunts chickens? a poultry-geist How do ghosts make a milkshake? They sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell Boo! What did the bat say to the witch s hat? You go on ahead. I ll hang around for a while. Who was the most famous French skeleton? Napoleon bone-apart What famous monster flew his kite during a thunderstorm? Benjamin Frankenstein What is a ghoul s favorite play? Romeo and Ghouliet What kind of mistakes do ghosts make? boo boos Why do mummies make excellent spies? They are good at keeping things under wraps. What happened to the guy who got behind on his payments to his exorcist? He was repossessed. Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school? He was caught trying to butter up his teacher. What do you call a monster with no neck? The Lost Neck Monster Where do howling ghosts like to shop? Squall-mart Did you hear about the skeleton who lost is left arm? He s all right. Why did Dracula wear two pair of pants when he went to play golf? in case he got a hole in one 8
Fun Puns for Anytime Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him... A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. A neutron goes into an ice cream parlor and asks, "How much for a double scoop cone of vanilla?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge." Two outdoorsmen sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in their craft it sank -- proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too. Police were called to a daycare center where a three year old was resisting a rest. Double negatives are a no-no. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. Did you hear about the thief who stole a calendar? He got twelve months. A noun and a verb were dating, but they broke up when the verb realized the noun was possessive. What do you call a chicken crossing the road? poultry in motion How do you communicate with a fish? drop it a line. The invisible man married the invisible woman. Their kids were nothing to look at either. What kind of car does an electrician drive? a volts wagon What did the triangle say to the circle? You re so pointless! What do you call a train loaded with bubblegum? a chew chew train What do you get from pampered cows? spoiled milk What does a clock do when it s hungry? It goes back four seconds. Customer to book store owner: "I'd like to return this book on modern medical procedures." Owner: "Is there something wrong with it?" Customer: "Someone removed the appendix." 9