The Secret of Life, the Universe and everything 42

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1 Founded i n 1949 The Newspaper of Imperial College Union The Secret of Life, the Universe and everything 42 9 LAST WEDNESDAY, Mrs Shirley Williams launched Imperial College's Social Democratic Society by giving a lecture on the aims of the recently formed SDP. T h e interest i n M r s W i l l i a m s ' speech was such that it h a d to be m o v e d from its o r i g i n a l venue to the G r e a t H a l l to a c c o m o d a t e the large n u m b e r of students a n d staff. M r s W i l l i a m s began her speech by s t a t i n g that the f o r m a t i o n of the S D P was a b o l d e x p e r i m e n t. If the experiment failed the consequences l o r B r i t a i n w o u l d be, i n her o p i n i o n, dire. II, however, the e x p e r i m e n t succeeded B r i t a i n w o u l d have a truly representative party in W e s t m i n s t e r because no special interest g r o u p w o u l d be able to c o n t r o l the p a r t y. E a c h m e m b e r w o u l d have a n e q u a l vote in the g o v e r n i n g of the party. B o t h m a j o r parties are so w r a p p e d u p w i t h their o w n p a r t y dogmas that they are b l i n d to the fact that a l l they are d o i n g is c r e a t i n g d i v i s i o n i n the c o u n t r y a n d u l t i m a t e l y t h r e a t e n i n g d e m o c r a c y. T h e i n t r o d u c t i o n of a system of p r o p o r t i o n a l electoral representation w o u l d a l l o w other parties, like the S D P, to be m o r e f a i r l y represented at W e s t m i n s t e r a n d e v e n t u a l l y e n d the two p a r t y system. T h e only c u r r e n t i n d i c a t i o n of the S D P ' s policies are the 'twelve tasks' u n v e i l e d by the collective leadership of the p a r t y earlier in the year. M r s W i l l i a m s took the o p p o r t u n i t y to elaborate on the future policies of the S D P. B r i t a i n ' s lack of recent e c o n o m i c success arose d i r e c t l y from the i n b u i l t class a n t a g o n i s m from both sides of i n d u s t r y. B r i t a i n ' s lack of recent e c o n o m i c success arose d i r e c t l y from the ' i n built class a n t a g o n i s m ' from b o t h sides of i n d u s t r y. T h e S D P support the idea of a m i x e d e c o n o m y w h i c h encourages the P r i v a t e Sector but at the same t i m e has a responsible attitude towards the P u b l i c Sector. T h e party also has a responsible a t t i t u d e towards e m p l o y m e n t. T h e p a r t y w o u l d alleviate the p r o b l e m by h a v i n g relevant y o u t h t r a i n i n g p r o g r a m m e s w h i c h are c u r r e n t l y totally inadequate. T h e party also believes that B r i t a i n has a n i n t e r n a t i o n a l responsibility a n d therefore w o u l d support N A T O a n d the E E C whilst t r y i n g to change things from the inside. P r e v i o u s G o v e r n m e n t s have been far too callous a n d shortsighted i n their a t t i t u d e towards the T h i r d W o r l d. H e r p a r t y believes i n a M a r s h a l l P l a n for the T h i r d W o r l d countries, a l l o w i n g t h e m to revitalise t h e i r economies. T h e S o c i a l D e m o c r a t s believe in u n i t y, both n a t i o n a l l y and i n t e r n a t i o n a l l y. M r s W i l l i a m s s u m m e d u p by r e i t e r a t i n g the fact that the S D P was a p a r t y of a l l the people e m a n c i p a t e d from divisions ol class. T h e r e then followed a lively question session c o v e r i n g issues r a n g i n g from B o b b y Sands to B r i t i s h Aerospace. 22 students a n d 12 members of stall' joined the C o l l e g e S o c i a l D e m o c r a t i c Society d i r e c t l y after the lecture. T h e S D P has s u b s t a n t i a l b a c k i n g in I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e a l r e a d y. L o r d F l o w e r s, R e c t o r of the C o l l e g e, has lent his support to the party in an advertisement i n The Guardian at the start of F e b r u a r y a n d M r s W i l l i a m s ' m e t i n g was c h a i r e d by Professor S u t t o n, P r o - R e c t o r. T h e p a r t y n e e d s f i n a n c i a l s u p p o r t a n d r e c o m m e n d s o n its p r o m o t i o n a l l i t e r a t u r e a jtf) d o n a t i o n. No. 583 THE RCSU ANNUAL DINNER was held last Friday evening in the Sherfield Building. Simon Jones, better known as Arthur Dent of the successful radio and television series T h e H i t c h - h i k e r ' s G u i d e to the G a l a x y, was the guest speaker. H e was a c c o m p a n i e d by D a v i d L e a r n e r (the m a n inside M a r v i n the P a r a n o i d A n d r o i d ) a n d special effects expert J i m F r a n c i s, w h o created such diverse items as the robot suit a n d a r a d i o - c o n t r o l l e d head for Z a p h o d Beeblebrox for the television a d a p t a t i o n. R C S U H o n Sec, Steve T y s o n was shocked on T h u r s d a y l u n c h t i m e w h e n he received a last m i n u t e c a n c e l l a t i o n from the show's a u t h o r, D o u g l a s A d a m s, w h o h a d been expected to speak. F o r t u n a t e l y, S i m o n Jones agreed to replace h i m at very short notice a n d gave a confident a n d a m u s i n g speech. D a v i d L e a r n e r later d o n n e d his M a r v i n costume a n d joined in the festivities i n the S e n i o r C o m m o n R o o m. W h e n asked how m a n y people h a d attended M r T y s o n said " I don't k n o w, I don't stand a n d count ' e m, a n d it's not u p to me to count t h e m e i t h e r. " ( R e a l l y folks!) Election Fever Grips UGM! THE FIRST UGM of the term yesterday heard hustings speeches for many posts before the quorum was successfully challenged when the meeting began to discuss motions. J o h n Passmore, I C U President took the c h a i r i n the absence of J o n F i r t h. M r Passmore i n his p r e s i d e n t i a l report o u t l i n e d further his remarks in ExecNews. R a c h e l Snee, I C U D e p u t y President, said that at last s o m e t h i n g was b e i n g done this week a b o u t the Southside security system. L i z L i n d s a y, H o n Sec, spoke extensively about the I N C O S T Conference over Easter, h o w successful it h a d been a n d h o w w e l l those i n v o l v e d from I C h a d done. H u s t i n g s were held for the post of W e l f a r e O f f i c e r between Ian G r e e n w o o d a n d R S P y n e. T h e candidates for P W P were S G o u l d e r, R M o r g a n, L Burry, S R o d a n and P Coll. T h e Haldane Library Record B u y e r was contested by G o r d o n B a x t e r a n d A l a n E d w a r d s. P a t r i c k C o i l a n d C a r o l i n e G o d i n stood for the post of F E L I X Business M a n a g e r. S i m o n R o d a n was ratified as E x t e r n a l Affairs C o m m i t t e e Secretary. M Bootey, J S t a n l e y. N W a t m o u g h a n d C W e b b were ratified as U L U Reps. T h e m e e t i n g also ratified elections held at the Results U G M last term. T O w e n a n d S G o u l d e r a n d M i s s C T i l l e r were ratified as members of U n i o n H o u s e C o m m i t t e e. T h e post of L I n i o n P u b l i c i t y O f f i c e r is still open. A f t e r the c o n c l u s i o n of the hustings it was a n n o u n c e d that the m o t i o n on the B r a n d t R e p o r t h a d been w i t h d r a w n. T h i s was greeted w i t h l o u d cheering. W h e n the first speaker on the N a t i o n a l i t y B i l l was b e g i n n i n g, the q u o r u m was successfully c h a l l e n g e d. T h e r e were about one h u n d r e d people present at this generally good h u m o u r e d meeting. T h e election results were not a v a i l a b l e at the time of g o i n g to press. Friday, M a y 8,1981 Free!

2 Letters to the Editor Dm) Sir I was somewhat taken aback to hear the allegations levelled against me by M r H a y w a r d ( F E L I X 582). I had.' until r e a d i n g his letter, absolutely no k n o w l e d g e w h a t s o e v e r o f the m o t i o n w h i c h I a m act used ol seconding,-lo t h r o w M r C o r l a z z i in the R P. Indeed, it surprises me that the U G M C h a i r m a n a l l o w e d such a n obviously u n c o n s t i t u tional m o t i o n. I c a n o n l y assume that someone, w h o obviously holds m e i n considerable c o n t e m p t, s a w fit to forge m y s i g n a t u r e to t h i s c h i l d i s h, frivolous m o t i o n. lours faithfully B MeCalJe College Secretary defends IC policy on South African sponsored students on nuclear technology course MR JOHN SMITH, CBE, Secretary of Imperial College, reaffirmed the fundamental principles of the College during a debate last Tuesday afternoon. T h e debate centered a r o u n d a m o t i o n " t h a t I C should not assist i n d e v e l o p i n g S o u t h A f r i c a ' s n u c l e a r c a p a b i l i t y by a c c e p t i n g S o u t h A f r i c a - s p o n s o r e d students o n its nuclear technology course". T h e debate was opened by M r M i k e T e r r y, G e n e r a l Secretary of the A n t i - A p a r t h e i d M o v e m e n t. H e o u t l i n e d the situation r e g a r d i n g S o u t h A f r i c a, h o w it h a d m a d e m i l i t a r y i n t e r v e n t i o n i n m a n y southern A f r i c a n states, how it h a d been c o n d e m n e d at the U n i t e d N a t i o n s, a n d h o w it p r a c t i c e d a crude form of racism w h i c h divides o n the basis of race a n d language. F o r ten years it h a d been speculated that S o u t h A f r i c a was l o o k i n g for the u l t i m a t e weapon. Events have suggested that S o u t h A f r i c a n o w has such a w e a p o n a n d w o u l d be p r e p a r e d to use it. T h i s suggestion is not just the exaggerated polemics of the A n t i - a p a r t h e i d M o v e m e n t, as S o u t h A f r i c a is a n a b n o r m a l society where m a n y people are N a z i sympathisers. S o u t h A f r i c a has its o w n u r a n i u m mines a n d has a l a i r a m o u n t of technology for c r e a t i n g n u c l e a r fuel. H o w e v e r it still needs more specialists a n d technology. T o that e n d it takes advantage of courses such as the one at I C. S o u t h A f r i c a should be denied this o p p o r t u n i t y. I C s h o u l d reconsider its position as the risk that it is w r o n g cannot be afforded. M r S m i t h, o u t l i n i n g the College position, said that students were a d m i t t e d o n grounds of a c a d e m i c merit only. I C o n l y functions as a c o r p o r a t e b o d y w i t h i n its o w n sphere o f c o m p e t e n c e, a c a d e m i c matters. O n c e it went beyond this it w o u l d be open to pressure from a l l quarters. It should be the British G o v e r n m e n t ' s decision i f students were not to be a l l o w e d into the c o u n t r y to study. T h e C o l l e g e does not i n q u i r e too deeply into each student's financial b a c k i n g as this w o u l d be a n invasion of p r i v a c y of the i n d i v i d u a l. T h e c u r r e n t sponsorship arrangements do have loopholes but I C w o u l d be g o i n g back o n its basic p r i n c i p l e s i f it started a l l o w i n g special eases. A l t e r m a n y spirited interventions from the audience ol nearly forty people, M i k e 'Ferry s u m m e d up, a r g u i n g that I C should be ahead of other colleges i n this matter. T h e m o t i o n was passed by a large m a j o r i t y. Dear Steve M a y I c o n g r a t u l a t e y o u on r e p r i n t i n g C o l in P a l m e r ' s t w a d d l e at the A n n u a l Conference of the Federation of C o i i s e i v ai iv e S t u d e n t s i n t h e last issue o l F K L I X? K e e p u p the good work! I hope in the f o r t h c o m i n g issues ol F E L I X you w i l l also tell us about the Fascist songs they A P P L I C A T I O N S F R O M overseas students for British Universitysang a l ibis Conference ( V i e places are t h i r t y - l i v e percent d o w n c o m p a r e d to last year. T h e Statesman,.April p3). By U n i v e r s i t i e s C e n t r a l C o u n c i l o n A d m i s s i o n s ( U C C A ) figures, released the w a y, d i d C o l i n P a l m e r, in bis in A p r i l, show that 13,292 foreign students have a p p l i e d for a place bid for " n a t i o n a l T o r y leadernext O c t o b e r. Last year the figure was 20,528. O f the 7,236 r e d u c t i o n, s h i p " also join m s i n g i n g these more t h a n 5,500 were m e n. songs w h i l e (to use y o u r o w n T h e d r o p is relleeted i n I C student numbers. T h e n u m b e r of phrase) ' H y i n g the I C Hag in a p p l i c a t i o n s for 1981/2 is not yet a v a i l a b l e, but 1980/T figures show a t y p i c a l style"? r e d u c t i o n from 994 overseas students to 771. of w h i c h u n d e r g r a d u a t e tours situet'ely n u m b e r s are d o w n ten percent, research students d o w n t w e n t y - l i v e per Bharal Bluishan cent a n d a d v a n c e d courses thirty-five per cent d o w n. USES l'(. T h i s shortfall follows the enormous increases i n overseas students' Fewer overseas students in Britain IC Day Nursery JUMBLE SALE Friday, M a y 8 10:00 2:00 Consort Gallery zome and have fun! Page 2 lees in recent years. H o w e v e r despite the fears a n d w a r n i n g s from student unions, lecturers a n d the C o m m i t t e e of V i c e - C h a n c e l l o r s. C V C P, the G o v e r n m e n t has c o n t i n u e d the full-cost fees p o l i c y. A s w i d e l y p r e d i c t e d, this policy has now led to not o n l y a loss of revenue b u t a l s o d a m a g e to o v e r s e a s r e l a t i o n s. A t t h e A s s o c i a t i o n o f C o m m o n w e a l t h U n i v e r s i t i e s meeting in H o n g K o n g last m o n t h, B r i t a i n ' s decision to charge E E C students the same t u i t i o n fee as home students brought a furious response. U C C A figures also show a four per cent increase i n home student a p p l i c a t i o n, w h i c h gives a n o v e r a l l one per cent r e d u c t i o n. FELIX, May 8, 1981 Small Ads Yamaha R O 2 0 0, T r e g, o n l y 2,700 m i l e s, front d i s k b r a k e, r a c k a n d t o p box. Full front fairing c a n be i n c l u d e d o n o. C o n t a c t B e t h, int o r 3673 (days) or (eves). Ford Anglia Deluxe, 1964, g o o d r u n n e r, g o o d b o d y, t a x e d a n d t e s t e d until mid-june, minor problems, hence 6 5 for q u i c k s a l e. C o n t a c t P a u l J o l l i f f e, M e c h E n g 2. Ladies Bike, 6 0 o n o, 3 - s p e e d, with basket. S e e L C a r v e r, P h y s i c s 3 or ring ext 218. Develop your breasts with H e x h a m ' s amazing miracle stew. E x p a n d the parts M o o n e y ' s stews never get to r e a c h. C o n t a c t M H, C h e m 1. Wanted: L a r g e f r a m e d r u c k s a c k. Please contact Hazel C h e e s b r o u g h, Life S c i 1. Write now for H u w ' s a m a z i n g c r o c k ery filing system. C o n t a c t Welsh W h i t e m a n, A e r o 3. Anyone with information regarding theft o f s p a r e s a n d t o o l s f r o m b o o t of blue Morris Minor, near Jez Garage, o n W e d n e s d a y, A p r i l 29, p l e a s e c o n t a c t Martin Hilder, c / o G u i l d s U n i o n Office. America: It's still not t o o late t o a p p l y for t h e B U N A C w o r k a n d travel s c h e m e in U S A this s u m m e r. M o r e d e t a i l s f r o m G r e e n C o m m i t t e e R o o m, at t h e t o p o f the U n i o n B u i l d i n g, o n F r i d a y l u n c h t i m e s a n d t o d a y in t h e J C R. Best wishes f o r e x a m s a n d f o n d e s t m e m o r i e s to all t h o s e w h o k n o w m e, e s p e c i a l l y M i n i n g H o u s e L o v e Y - K h e n g C h a n, Malaysia. Sailing Club Annual Dinner wil b e held in the Bistro Valerio. Tickets from committee members, about Flat Wanted: Is a n y o n e g i v i n g u p a flat w i t h i n c y c l i n g d i s t a n c e o f IC at t h e e n d of J u n e? If s o p l e a s e c o n t a c t S a r a h, int 2345 o r J u l i a 2410 o r England vs Scotland football ticket(s) w a n t e d. Will p a y g o o d p r i c e ( s ). P h o n e Robert (6-9pm). Free s h o e p o l i s h i n g. B e i t Q u a d, 1 p m. Free tickets for B B C R a d i o ' s RadioActive a n O x f o r d U n i v e r s i t y ' s v e r s i o n of C a m b r i d g e University's ' F o o t l i g h t s ' o n S a t u r d a y, M a y 16, a v a i l a b l e f r o m J e n in t h e U n i o n O f f i c e. Fire in Botany T H E F I R E B R I G A D E were called to the B o t a n y d e p a r t m e n t in the early hours o f l a s t S u n d a y m o r n i n g to investigate copious smoke a n d fumes that h a d been brought to the attention of Beit Security. T h e smoke was discovered at 12:45am in R o o m G 8 on the g r o u n d floor o f the Botany d e p a r t m e n t, b u t it w a s n o t I bought necessary to evacuate Beit H a l l. The fireman, e q u i p p e d w i t h b r e a t h i n g a p p a r a t u s, traced the fumes to a s m o u l d e r i n g oven w h i c h was q u i c k l y dealt with w i t h m i n i m a l d a m a g e caused. Fire Engine in Brighton T H E R C S I N V I O L A T E mascot. J E Z, a 1916 D e n n i s lire engine, took p a r t i n the L o n d o n to Brighton Historic Commercial V e h i c l e C l u b R u n last S u n d a y. J e z left, a l o n g w i t h over 200 other vehicles at 7:15am to cross the finish line seventh at 10:34pm. P a u l J o h n s o n ( R C S U V P ) told F E L I X that it h a d r a i n e d "excess i v e l y " o n the way back a n d R i c h A r c h e r h a d w o r n a "Hat c a p ". In o r d e r to return i n time for the L n i o n B a r, J e z took to the m o t o r w a y o n its return.

3 Queen's Lawn Sat 16th May 2 5pm een's Tower open all afternoo

4 Find out about Marketing M^ingManaglV total b u s i n e s s role in a d y n a m i c COobui.. 20,000 p a + car OXFORD O u r client is a multt h i s position will m i l l i o n p o u n d intertherefore attract national company. honours graduates R e c e n t c h a n g e s h a v e w i t h b u s i n e s s Hair resulted i n the n e e d a n d a s t r o n g r e c o r d of to h i r e a M a r k e t i n g consistent M a n a g e r to join t h e achievement. T h e s a l a r y is b a c k e d T h e successful b y a company c a r a n d c a n d i d a t e will b e g i v e n the c h a l l e n g i n g o p p o r t u n i t y of " r u n n i n g his/hei o w n nd will show.therefore n e e d to other i m p o r t a n t benefits C a r e e r prospects are excellent a n d t h e r e is plenty < " - s c5o p e to t " I p n t v of n o also i n g e n e r a l management. degree a n industry a * g e e jf j The demands of marketing management are high, but so are the rewards - in job satisfaction and material terms. You can find out about the challenge of marketing management by spending five days on Procter & Gamble's Marketing Vacation Course. t h a n a p p r o a c h to b u s. n e s s g e a r e d u p to W e are one of the most successful m a n u f a c t u r e r s of fast moving consumer goods in the w o r l d a n d acknowledged leaders in the marketing management field. The U K Company markets s u c h h o u s e h o l d n a m e s as A r i e l, F a i r y L i q u i d, H e a d & Shoulders. Crest, Flash, Daz and Camay. making things lhappen. t Management wouldsultyou... B e t w e e n 21st a n d 25th S e p t e m b e r, w e w i l l be r u n n i n g a n informal, but intensive, m a r k e t i n g management course f o r a g r o u p o f final y e a r u n d e r g r a d u a t e s at o u r H e a d Office. F u l l a c c o m m o d a t i o n a n d all expenses will be p a i d. D u r i n g the C o u r s e you will actively participate i n business projects r a n g i n g f r o m product development and c o n s u m e r r e s e a r c h to t e l e v i s i o n a d v e r t i s i n g a n d in-store p r o m o t i o n. T h e y w i l l give you a real feel of the challenge, intellectual stimulation and enjoyment of m a r k e t i n g m a n a g e m e n t, a n d insight into the b r o a d range of activities i n v o l v e d. Y o u will also h a v e a c h a n c e to m e e t s o m e of t h e w i d e v a r i e t y of people with w h o m a marketing manager works. If y o u a r e i n t e r e s t e d i n l e a r n i n g a b o u t M a r k e t i n g M a n a g e m e n t, y o u s h o u l d a p p l y as soon as p o s s i b l e. Please ring J o h n H a r p e r, reversing the charges on N e w c a s t l e u p o n T y n e , or w r i t e to h i m c / o Brand Promotion Division, Procter & Gamble Limited, P. O. Box 1 E E, Gosforth, Newcastle upon T y n e N E E E. T h e c l o s i n g date for a p p l i c a t i o n s is 18th M a y, Interviews with applicants will be held at the University before the end of term. ANWAR DITTA BENEFIT CONCERT FRANKIE ARMSTRONG LEON ROSSLESON FLOWERS & FROLICS JIM YOUNGER & JULIE CARTER Union Lower Refectory Tuesday 12th 7:30pm with Unioncard May Hi! We have just opened near South Ken Station (2A, Exhibition Road) andareofferinsa student discount on all our food (on production of Union Card). A few sample prices 1 chicken... 50p 2 pieces...80p Chips...20p Curry...80p Rice...20p Apple Pie...20p etc... Hope to see you soon, the more we are patronised, cheaper we stay. 7:30am. midnight the

5 C&G Motor Club T H E A N N U A L General Meeting of the C & G Motor C l u b is to be held on Friday, May 8 in M e c h Eng 751 at 7:00pm. Several posts are being contested so if you want to vote for next year's committee then come along. Later in the evening there will be a Table T o p Rally and beer for those who are interested. O n Thursday, M a y 14 the C l u b will be holding its Annual Dinner with guest speaker Alain de Cadenet. Tickets are 7.50 available from the C & G Union Office. Full details are posted on the Club Noticeboard. Finally, should anyone be interested in helping ensure that the C l u b wins T H E Treasure Hunt of the Year, the Miglia Quatro, then please get in touch with one of the committee. This takes place on the night of Saturday, May 9 in the City of London. A l l support will be gratefully accepted. Ed's Note Everyone k n o w s that T H E Treasure H u n t of the year is, of c o u r s e, the F E L I X M o t o r Rally, due t o be held o n S u n d a y, J u n e 21. Saturday, M a y 9 Seaside T r i p T u e s d a y, M a y 12 Handover U G M Joint G e n C o m m S a t u r d a y, M a y 16 Rag Fete Tickets for the seaside trip are 1 each from Ruth. It will be to a mystery destination i.e. we still haven't decided where we're going. The H a n d o v e r U G M will be h e l d at the A l b e r t Memorial at 12:45pm or in M e c h Eng 342 if it's raining. It will include colours and various silly awards, and a trouserless exec boat race. Anyone is welcome to come to the G e n C o m m. We're hoping to get it over quite quickly and then have food, drink and games, including wine draughts. Names to Sara beforehand, please, if you want to go. It is hoped to " h i t " the Rector at the Rag Fete, but to do so we need contributions. Whoever makes the biggest contribution can make the hit. If you have any ideas for stalls please see Ruth. Help would be very much appreciated, but if you can't help out, please come to the Fete and spend lots of money. Cheers, Andy 5SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Flats for Next Session Flats for 4, 6, 7 and 8, single and double bedsits. Areas: Mainly Fulham, Earls Court, S Ken. Rent: Around 20 per person. For further details contact: Student Services, Ground Floor, 15 Princes Gardens. sssssssssssssssssssssssssssss IC and Kensington International Students BARN DANCE with T H E J U M B L I E S (and disco) 8:00pm, Saturday, May 9, J C R Admission 75p. SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! IC Open Day ICU h a s a g r e e d t o place the J C R a t the disposal of College on Tucs, Wednes, and Thurs morning 12, 13 and 14 May t o stage the e x h i b i t i o n for MEET IMPERIAL COLLEGE '81 S t u d e n t s are r e q u e s t e d not to use the J C R d u r i n g this p e r i o d. F u l l facilities are available in the M a i n D i n i n g H a l l. T h e Q u i e t R o o m (002) is a l s o available for s t u d e n t s ' use. SDP T h i s royal throne of kings, this sceptered T h i s earth of majesty, this seat of M a r s, T h i s other E d e n, demi paradise, T h i s fortress built by N a t u r e for Herself. T h i s happy breed of m e n, this little world, T h i s precious stone set in the silver sea. W h i c h serves it in the office of a wall. O r as a moat defensive to a house, isle. Against the envy of less happier lands. T h i s blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this E n g l a n d. When Shakespeare put these words into the mouth of the dying John of Gaunt, he was expressing a view of England, and indeed of the whole of this island, to which the majority of people then, in the intervening years and now have subscribed. Namely that no matter what g o v e r n m e n t i s in o f f i c e t h e r e i s for t h e overwhelming mass of people the idea that one must put o u r c o u n t r y b e f o r e any n a r r o w ideological considerations. This is evinced by the fact that there never has been in this country any official nationalistic doctrine; we do not have to tell ourselves, unlike the Germans or the Poles, how much we love our country. W e do, and therefore there is no need to stridently tell the world that we do. This is the reason why the political ideologies which have dominated the thought of this century have not made any noticeable impression on our country. The National Union of Fascists, and its successor the National Front did not and have not gained any popular influence. Similarly we have the smallest Communist Party in Western Europe. Since all these parties are extreme it became obvious to ideologues on both sides that they could not sieze power in this country by using Bookshop News Picture the scene, our illustrious tutor, sitting, m e d i t a t i n g, w o n d e r i n g, will it ever a p p e a r? Suddenly in a plain brown wrapper, on approval, the book arrives. This is the answer to all his prayers, his years of begging for it. T H E book has now, at last, been published. The fatal day at last, March 15, his students sit in anticipation, will this be the yeai; of the book? Slowly, oh so slowly our illustrious tutor lifts from its plain brown wrapper T H E book. This is the one! The eager hordes swoop down on their friendly Bookshop Manager, but, alas, he has not seen or heard of T H E book. But, do not despair, he will phone the publisher. Bookshop Manager to Sales Director: I understand that T H E book is to be published today, M a r c h 15. SD to BM: Yes, but our stock hasn't arrived. BM to SD: But you sent a copy to our illustrious tutor and he has recommended it to his students. SD to BM: That's his problem. We must stick to publication date. BM to SD: But that is today, and we have not received copies. S D to BM: Well, you can't have it if we haven't got it even if it is published today. BM to SD (in desperation): C a n I speak to the Managing Director? S D to BM: Sorry, he has gone for an early lunch and will not be back today. BM to SD: Is there any hope of getting this book? S D to B M : Though official publication day is today, M a r c h 15, you may not get copies until the end of March beginning of April; or end of April beginning of May. Strictly off the record, we do believe they are s u s p e n d e d a b o v e d o c k, at Felixstowe, due to an industrial dispute involving crane drivers. End of Story. New Title In Stock: Biochemistry by Lubert Stryer, published by W H Freeman, This title was orginally due out on M a r c h 15, but actually arrived April 29. But you have probably heard the story. Don't forget the Book Sale is still on! FELIX, May 8, 1981 these parties. Their solution therefore has been in the past couple of decades to gain control of the two main political parties in this country. By doing this their views received the respectability of tradition. More importantly since politics is not a closely followed spectator sport in this country, people will, out of habit, continue to vote for the traditional parties without perceiving that they are bringing ruin upon this country. Thus the Labour Party has moved to the left and is n o w in the h a n d s of the left. T h e Conservative Party has moved to the right and is now in their hands. There is no sight more frightening than being at a political meeting of either party where a person is expressing a moderate view and is howled at by the "purists" of that party for being an enemy of the party. This kind of attitude can only logically lead to a McCarthy era in America or a Stalinist era in Russia. Once one gets on the slide of intolerance, violence, arbitrary violence, is the only outcome. W e have not yet, fortunately reached that stage, though we are getting uncomfortably close to it. There is a solution, which might work. N a m e l y the f o r m a t i o n of a C e n t r e party. It doesn't matter whether the Social Democratic Party will form the next government or not. What does matter is that it holds a balance of power in the next parliament so that neither the New Labour Party, nor the New Conservative Partycan put through their extreme policies and ruin this country. If you love this country, as 1 do, then join the S D P. and work for them. W e can't promise to make things better, but at least we can ensure that our country does not become the plaything of ideologues who would turn it into a wasteland. Frank James Reviews Records Vardis The World's Insane Riffs as predictable as rush hour tailbacks in the Blackwall T u n n e l. Just about as exciting, too. In fact, the effect on the ears is pretty similar. T h e drone of bagpipes (Police Patrol), chug-a-lug beat (Routemaster Bus?), pain in the head (Carbon Monoxide!). N o need for lyric sheets here the words are all in the titles, the noise is all in the head, the songs are all in the mind. The world's insane. The inabilitiy t o harmonise (does the bass player actually possess a guitar? T h e inspired cover photograph shows that he has at least handled one), the demented vocals, are all rather wasted in stereo. C o m e to think of it, I remember the. days when the Blackwall T u n n e l was only in mono. S o m e h o w, the effect has never been the same since it went stereo. T h e conflicting juggernaut thrashing and heavenly bedlam of F o d e n s a n d E R F s is so m u c h more satisfying through only one cruddy speaker. 1 prefer the W o o l w i c h F e r r y myself. But then I'm with it (Geddit?). J o h n Mi//er Page 5

6 Pseudonymous Letter I know the real identity of the student who signed a letter 'Ndabiningi Sithole, C h e m 1' and if no apology is received by next Wednesday, strong action will- be taken in the next issue. Wellsoc There will be another meeting T O D A Y at 1:00pm in the F E L I X Office. During the meeting next year's officers will be discussed. Boredom Third term blues. Y A W N. Thanks to Dave, Martin, Patrick, Steve, Colin, T i m, Phil, Ian and M a z. mmmm What's On Friday, May 8 I C O m a n E x p e d i t i o n presents Lunchtime slide s h o w a n d c o m m e n t a r y in Arabia given by m e m b e r s -a of IC O m a n E x p e d i t i o n just b a c k from their tour of the M i d d l e E a s t, 12:30pm, S u t t o n L e c t u r e T h e a t r e, L e v e l 2, G e o l o g y. D a y N u r s e r y J u m b l e S a l e, 1 0 : 0 0 a m - 2:00pm, C o n sort G a l l e r y. C h r i s t i a n U n i o n M e e t i n g with the theme How Big Is Your God? and Fellowship, 6:00 6:30pm, M u s i c R o o m, 53 P r i n c e s G a t e. I C C h i n e s e S o c D i s c o, 9:00pm, J C R. 50p o n the d o o r. S U cards required. Saturday, May 9 B a r n D a n c e (and English c o u n t r y dancing) featuring T h e J u m b l i e s, a n d followed by disco, 8:00pm till 2:00am, J C R. T i c k e t s 75p. E v e r y o n e will be taught the d a n c e s, so beginners welcome. S u n d a y, May 10 D r a m s o c A u d i t i o n s for the E d i n b u r g h Festival, 2:30, Upper Lounge. Monday, May 11 G o l f C l u b M e e t i n g, 12:30pm, S o u t h s i d e L o u n g e. Tuesday, May 12 S T O I C B r o a d c a s t i n c o l o u r with T e r r y J o n e s. Y o u ' v e s e e n M o n t y P y t h o n ' s Flying C i r c u s, H o l y G r a i l a n d Life of Brian? N o w ' s your chance to see T e r r y J o n e s (alias I know of a lecturer in social sciences who, when he has an excess of marking to do, will stand at the top of a flight of stairs and fling an armful of essays towards the bottom. Those which actually reach the bottom are presumed heavier, therefore longer, therefore more thorough; he awards each of these a B. Those which land on the stairs are given a C, D or E according to how far they travel. At P r i m e l i a C o l l e g e (that bastion of t e c h n o l o g y recently satirised in the New Scientist) the logic professor has an equally bizarre system of marking for the annual essay he sets on 'The Relevence of Logic to Mushroom Farming in the Outer Hebrides.' To start with, he rejects most (but never all) of the hundred-odd essays as being too awful to merit a mark at all. He then gives each of the remaining papers a mark from zero to ten. This may not seem so bizarre, until I tell you that the professor makes sure that the first paper he marks is given the same number of points as the number of papers he gives zero to. (Got that?) Likewise, the second paper he marks gets the same number of points as the number of papers he gives one point to. And the third paper gets the same number of points as the number of papers which get just two points, and so on, right to the bottom of the pile of papers. Naturally it would offend the professor's pride in the elegance of his scheme if he ever graded a pile of papers with the same marks he had used before. How many years can the professor's marking scheme last before he is forced to repeat himself? Solutions, comments, criticisms to me c/o FELIX Office, please. There will be a prize of 5 (donated by Mend-a-Bike) and two tickets to the I.C. Orchestra concert next Friday for the correct solution randomly selected at 1:00pm next Wednesday. Brian's m o t h e r a n d a s s o r t e d other characters) o n S T O I C, Last Week's Solution as he talks to D a v e G h a n i about his career. F r a n k i e A r m s t r o n g ; F l o w e r s a n d F r o l i c s ; L e o n Rossels o n ; J i m Y o u n g e r a n d Juiie C a r t e r in c o n c e r t in aid of A n w a r D i t t a, 7:30pm, L o w e r Refec with U n i o n c a r d. R i d i n g C l u b M e e t i n g, 1:00pm, E l e c E n g 110. S a i l i n g C l u b A G M, 1:00pm, M e c h E n g 664. END a n d C N D present a talk by J o a n R i d d o c k of G r e e n h a m C o m m o n Anti-Missiles C a m p a i g n o n Missiles: A Challenge to Democracy, Cruise 1:00pm, P h y s i c s L T. Free. Thursday, May 14 Y a c h t C l u b M e e t i n g, 12:30pm, S o u t h s i d e T V L o u n g e. Important meeting. A l l must attend. S T O I C B r o a d c a s t : Newsbreak, g r a m m e for students, a news magazine p r o - 12:45pm. Hang Gliding C l u b Meeting, 1:00pm, a b o v e Stan's Bar. I C G l i d i n g C l u b M e e t i n g, 5:30pm, A e r o 254 U L U G a y s o c M e e t i n g, 8:00pm, R o o m 2 D, U L U, Malet Street. 14 Houses. Honours List Four people did all the Easter puzzles: Neili Cooper, Atmospheric Physics P G, Roland Marslin, Physics 3, Richard Tate, DoC RA, ind Martin Taylor, DoC P G. Of these, Richard Tate was randomly selected as the winner, and he gets a 10 voucher, redeemable at M e n d - a - B i k e, and 2 cash. In addition, Richard won the individual prize for 'Chess of Draws' which carries another 2. Neill won the 2 prize for 'Piayfair Square', and Roland won JAIT's Crossnumber. 'Eggheads' was won by Simon Nuttall, Physics 1. And last week's prize goes to C C Pantelides. Cheques will be available in the FELIX Office on Monday afternoon. Congratulations to all the prizewinners, and everyone else who entered. Other News Many of my solvers are fed up with 'musical' puzzles, and I'm certainly getting fed up with setting them. So although this week's puzzle isn't based on a musical theme, do please note that IC Orchestra have given two free tickets as a bonus prize to plug their concert next Friday. And do go to the concert; if they get a full house, we may not have to suffer posters of s u c h a nauseous hue around college in future. Is a n y o n e p r e p a r e d to help with my takeover bid for the back page next week? Steve's editorials are getting scrawnier every week. And so to the solutions of the Easter puzzles... Playfalr Square W A T C H S P R I N G Chess of Draws T h e o r i g i n a l p o s i t i o n w a s a s s h o w n in t h e d i a g r a m. B l a n c h e e x p e c t e d the m a c h i n e to castle, allowing 2. Q - R 7 m a t e. I n s t e a d t h e m a c h i n e p l a y e d t h e (rather m o r e s o u n d ) m o v e R X Q w h i c h B l a n c h e f o l l o w e d w i t h 2. K X R. A s G r e y S p i d e r points out, the interesting thing a b o u t t h i s p u z z l e is n o t that t h e s o l u t i o n is d i f f i c u l t t o f i n d, n o r t h a t it i s p a r t i c u l a r l y e l e g a n t o r i n g e n i o u s, b u t that it is unique. A p o l o g i e s f o r t h e title ot t h i s p u z z l e. S t e v e t o l d m e it w a s witty, a n d at 6 : 3 0 a m I b e l i e v e d h i m. Eggheads 49. A l t h o u g h t h i s p u z z l e is n o w h e r e n e a r a s d i f f i c u l t a s m a n y p e o p l e m a d e it o u t to b e, e x p l a i n i n g t h e s o l u t i o n i n full w o u l d b e u n n e c e s s a r i l y t e d i o u s. S o I s h a l l o u t l i n e t h e b a s i c i d e a s, a n d if y o u ' r e n o t s a t i s f i e d w i t h that, w r i t e. As I walk d o w n the corridor the lecturers' d i s c i p l i n e s ( p u r e o r a p p l i e d ) m u s t rotate in c y c l e s of six... P P P A A A P P P... T h e p r o b l e m is to f i n d w h e r e this s e q u e n c e is b r o k e n at t h e t w o e n d s o f t h e c o r r i d o r, b e a r i n g in m i n d that t h e first m a n I questioned must have given a consistent answer a b o u t t h e m a n at t h e o p p o s i t e e n d. N o w. i n v e s t i g a t e all six p o s s i b i l i t i e s for t h e d i s c i p l i n e s of t h e last t h r e e m e n I q u e s t i o n e d. If all t h r e e a r e of t h e s a m e d i s c i p l i n e ( P P P o r A A A ) t h e n t h e first m a n ' s a n s w e r c a n o n l y b e c o n s i s t e n t if t h e n u m b e r of l e c t u r e r s is of t h e f o r m 6 n, 6 n + 1 o r 6 n + 2. If t w o o f t h e t h r e e a r e o f o n e d i s c i p l i n e, a n d t h e t h i r d is o f t h e o t h e r, t h e n if t h e o d d o n e h a s a n o f f i c e at t h e e n d of t h e c o r r i d o r, t h e total n u m b e r of l e c t u r e r s is 6 n, 6 n - 1 o r 6 n - 2, a n d if t h e o d d o n e h a s an office two from the e n d, the n u m b e r must be 6n, 6n+1 or 6 n - 1. ( T h e o d d o n e c a n n o t have an office o n e f r o m t h e e n d of t h e c o r r i d o r, b e c a u s e this w o u l d v i o l a t e t h e ' c y c l e of s i x ' rule.) N o w the o n l y possibilities f o r t h e total n u m b e r are 49, 56, 63, 70 a n d is of t h e f o r m 6 n + 3 a n d s o is i m p o s s i b l e. S o t h e l e c t u r e r w h o s a i d '63' is a p p l i e d. 56 is of t h e f o r m 6 n + 2 w h i c h is o n l y p o s s i b l e if all of t h e last t h r e e l e c t u r e r s a r e o f t h e s a m e d i s c i p l i n e. S o w e e l i m i n a t e 56 N o w if t h e t h i r d m a n l i e d, t h e r e a r e 70 ( = 6 n - 2 ) o r 77 ( = 6 n - 1 ) l e c t u r e r s in t o t a l. B u t this m e a n s t h e r e m u s t b e at least o n e t r u t h - t e l l e r a m o n g t h e f i n a l three, w h i c h contradicts o u r a s s u m p t i o n he lied. T h u s h e t o l d t h e truth, a n d there are 49 lecturers. FELIX is published by the Editor for and on behalf of the Imperial College Union Publications Board, and is printed by the Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London, SW7 2BB. (589 5!1I ext. 1048/int. 2881) Copyright FELIX Editor: S.J. Marshall, Advertising Manager: M.A. Smith. Registered at the GPO as a newspaper.